CONSCIOUS LIVING
THROUGH MINDFUL AWARENESS
What does it mean to be mindful? What does living “in the moment” mean?
Try this: Take a moment to sit still and tune into your breathing, without changing it or trying for something. Just “catch yourself” breathing; it’s happening all the time. Pay attention to your breathing where it is most vivid for you (such as the sensation of the air going into the nose, the chest expanding and contracting, the movements of the belly, the sound of the air). Rather than think about the breath, simply observe it–the body breathes itself. Just notice it and keep your attention there.
What does it mean to be mindful? What does living “in the moment” mean?
Try this: Take a moment to sit still and tune into your breathing, without changing it or trying for something. Just “catch yourself” breathing; it’s happening all the time. Pay attention to your breathing where it is most vivid for you (such as the sensation of the air going into the nose, the chest expanding and contracting, the movements of the belly, the sound of the air). Rather than think about the breath, simply observe it–the body breathes itself. Just notice it and keep your attention there.
Most of us who have not practiced sustaining an exclusive focus on our awareness in the here and now find that the mind is all over the place when we try to stay with something as simple as being with our breath.
Yet, what exists here in this moment? Without worry, fear, regret, guilt, sadness linked to our thoughts about the past (even a minute ago is the past!) and the future WHAT IS NOW?
Mindfulness practice, paying attention to the moment on purpose and stepping out of the thinking of the mind, has the potential to cut down the optional suffering in life. Thoughts are simply mental events. They are not necessarily true. Each one does not deserve equal attention. Indeed, the majority of our mental events consist of some combination of speculation, assumptions, repetitive fearful ideas, judgments and evaluations of ourselves and our situations, self-criticism, blame, defensiveness, and ideas based on incomplete (and unknowable right now) information. It can be exhausting.
There is freedom for you: you have a choice about letting thoughts go “un-thought out”. We tend to overvalue our thoughts and thinking as a way through life. We have a choice about which ones to pay attention to , which ones to give our energy.
Cultivating this awareness of the mind can make an extraordinary difference to our experience of motherhood. We can remind ourselves again and again that we have limited information about the future, and that the past is gone and need not have any bearing on our choices now. Our mindfulness practice can give us a rest from the mind’s incessant chatter. We can release ourselves from the tension brought about by taking the mind’s speculations so seriously.
We are free to let the thoughts be, letting them go “un-considered”. Our minds are thought producers and we don’t need to be upset with what is produced. We can release them, without pushing against them or analyzing them if we want! Regular practice, even 5 minutes a day, makes it easier and easier.
FREEDOM TO CHOOSE
I can always feel better or worse than I do right now
You don’t need anyone to change what anyone is doing or how anyone is feeling in order for you to feel good, or a sense of well-being. All you need to do is be aware of your focus and choose wisely where to put your attention.
Too often we get stuck in a place of depending on circumstances being the way we want for our sense of well-being. Motherhood is so loaded with care-taking and responsibility, we can forget that the most logical place to start is with ourselves!
One of the most important habits to shift, in order to feel the freedom and well-being inherent in life, is to stop putting others’ feelings ahead of our own. In other words, rather than starting by making sure that our children, mate, friends, etc feel good, we check in with ourselves FIRST. I have practiced this enough to taste the sweetness of it. So many women I have met are locked into tuning into everyone else’s feelings, and trying to solve other people’s problems or soothe other people’s moods so that they themselves “can” feel better. This is natural, of course, but it can turn into a habit that keeps you enslaved to circumstances being “just so” in order to feel good.
Well-being is our natural state; when we are connected to the stream of well-being we love easily. We are more creative, understanding, patient and uplifting when we KNOW our well-being. Well-being is present even when we are angry, worrying, feeling unappreciated, tired, and any other negative emotion–we are simply not allowing it, in this moment.
Practicing releasing our automatic thoughts about ourselves and others, our expectations, our judgments may show us that things do actually work out most of the time. Even things we might call “mistakes” or “bad choices” give us something of value. Taking time to release thought through meditation or by focusing attention on easily pleasing things like nature or art or music can help us tap into a broader view: There’s no right or wrong way to do this. There really aren’t any mistakes. Each moment is fresh. Nothing is ruined. Nothing has to be solved right this minute. I can relax and give it time. Children are resilient. There’s a lot going on here. We can work things out.
Try asking yourself: What do I need right now? Is there another way to look at this situation? Can I just sit and breathe for a few minutes?
Practice makes being positive easier
Practicing focusing your attention is an important step to cultivating more pleasure and lightness in life. If you are one with strong negative thinking habits (such as easily worries, easily gets caught up in problems or complaints, has trouble letting go of the past/regrets, and on and on) then you can see how learning how to notice the mind producing these thoughts, without reacting to it, can make a huge difference. You may not have ever notice how drawn you are to paying attention thoughts about troubling things. You may think that’s your job as a mother, but it is NOT! The downside of this strategy (yes, it is a choice!) is that life feels heavy and you can take things too seriously. You compromise your ability to be creative and to problem-solve when you drench your body in negative emotion. You lose sight of the well-being that is inherent in life. Be picky about what thoughts you give your attention to–as picky as you are about what you eat!
You may not have much practice staying with positive thoughts and therefore positive emotions. Many times we are simply on to the next thing. We review our mental list of “issues” or listen to talk radio or to the TV and off we go again letting things be “on my mind”. We meet up with a friend and the topic of conversation is typically what’s wrong. We ask others to tell us of their issues. We don’t necessarily STAY with the positive feelings.
Feeling good and staying in touch with good feelings takes practice! You don’t need to solve all your problems to feel good. You don’t even need to understand your problems to feel good. Your home doesn’t need to be clean, your bank account doesn’t have to be full, your childhood doesn’t have to been happy to feel better than you do at any given time.
If you will take the time to observe, you will notice that at different points in the day you will feel good, or better than you have been. It might be that minute when you are walking from inside to your car/bus/bike (whatever) when you feel the sun or hear a bird or see the vast sky. It might be something funny your child says, or your dog or cat being especially cute. Whatever it is, whenever it is, do your best to “milk it”. Practice feeling it and cultivate more thoughts like them that feel as good.
It can be especially helpful to practice on the easy stuff that you do feel good about. Let yourself enjoy the car ride or the errands. Find a way to make it fun–or at least feel better.